Understanding Your Wife

The Modern Man's Guide to Understanding His WifeWIFESPEAK ENGLISH EQUIVALENT
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* You want <==> You want
* We need <==> I want
* It's your decision <==> The right decision should be obvious by now
* Do what you want <==> You'll pay for this later
* We need to talk <==> I need to complain
* Sure,... go ahead <==> I don't want you to
* I'm hungry <==> (a) Make me something to eat
(b) Stop what you are doing, scrape together your last $$, and go
drive across town and get me something to eat. ... I don't care
if what you are doing is important.
* I'm not upset <==> Of course I'm upset, you moron
* You're,... so manly <==> You need a shave and you sweat a lot
* You're certainly <==> Is sex all you ever think about? attentive tonight
* I'm not emotional! <==> I'm having my period ...And I'm not overreacting!
* Be romantic, turn <==> I have flabby thighs out the lights.
* This kitchen is so <==> I want a new house inconvenient
* The car is empty <==> Go fill it up
* The trash is full <==> Take it out
* The dog is barking <==> Go outside in your underwear and see what is wrong
* I want new curtains <==> and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper
* I need wedding shoes <==> the other 40 pair are the wrong shade of white
* Hang the picture <==> NO! I mean hang it there! there
* I heard a noise <==> I noticed you were almost asleep
* Do you love me? <==> I'm going to ask for something expensive
* How much do you love <==> I did something today you're really not going to like
me?

In answer to "What's Wrong?"

* Nothing <==> Everything
* Everything <==> My PMS is acting up
* Nothing, really <==> It's just that you're such an asshole
* I don't want to talk <==> Go away, I'm still building up steam.

How to Live a Good Christian Life

1. Follow Jesus' greatest commandment: Love God completely and everybody even if they treat you wrongly whether you know them or not. Jesus said "You have heard love your neighbor and hate your enemies, but I say love [be kind to] your enemies also..." (Matthew 5:43)

2. Acknowledge you're a sinner and then repent. Realize that conversion is not simply one act but the beginning of a life-long commitment. Don't be hard on yourself if and when you fail, pick yourself up, trust in God and go forward.

3. Read your Bible. You can really learn a lot from this. "All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable [for something] for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness;"(2 Timothy 3:16) If you open to a part that is not meaningful to you consider skipping a chapter or two and try again or close your Bible and open it again.

4. Set aside time for effective and meaningful prayer. Make intercession for people who do not pray enough for their own development, i.e.: children, cousins, friends, enemies and family, etc.

5. Try to see the perspectives (point of view) of others, even if you personally disagree with them. Of course, an answered prayer for peace for your enemies and that they would become blessed as children of God would help both you and them.

6. Be patient with people who anger you; work on trying to forgive those who may have hurt you. You must learn to love your enemies. God loves everyone, and we need to, also. Say farewell to selective loving. If you have a hard time loving your enemies, pray to God for help.

7. Work and pray for others to the best of your abilities to help others in many ways.

8. Treat others kindly as you would like to be treated. Even simple acts of kindness like holding a door open for someone are good deeds that can help you feel less paranoid--because then you feel that others should think well of you and of your testimony in Christ.

9. Volunteer to help people. For example, you could take a shift at a soup kitchen near you, help with a Christmas effort to give gifts to the poor on Christmas, or visit a people staying in a nursing home.

10. Remain conservative in your ethics, moderate and modest being sure to remember that pride can be dangerous. Pride may imply that you are judging others falsely, and is said to be the mother of all sins, because pride resides in each one of us. The source of all sin is oneself and not considering others (greed, lust, hate, murder, theft, etc.).

11. Share your beliefs so that you spread the good news. Remember, living the Christian life through your actions will make others want to follow God. Always stick up for your beliefs such as being conservative in good morals and liberal in giving your own goods--not being a Robin Hood or "welfare-pimp" or "welfare-monger" (profiting off poverty) or welfare-cheat, but converting others to Christ by grace through faith, and then into good-works.

12. Understand what Christians believe God said that you will be persecuted for your beliefs, so do not allow others' attacks to weaken your faith. Have the courage of you convictions to do well but not for judging others.

13. Make special efforts to fellowship with other believers. It is a wonderful thing that God wants Christians to unite in church and Bible study evenings--so do not think of others as hypocrites or hold yourself out as an example. Give the credit for any good that you may do to God and to God's blessing. You will find it a blessing to talk with Bible study members about the Christian life: but not sensationalism like argumentative opinions or sex-talk, of course... This may be called being accountable--being open to share your views or any misgivings and weaknesses.

14 .Reform yourself: it's crucial--but not for salvation--only to do well and to be right (in line with the Truth). You must "put off" the old man and "put on" the whole armor or God. One may sin against himself and possibly against God's purpose and plan by just carelessly maintaining old habits. The Bible says "Therefore, rid yourselves of everything impure and every expression of wickedness, and with a gentle spirit welcome the word planted in you that can save your souls."(James 1:21)

15. Remember the heart of your faith should be love, not an obligation to check off these boxes but to live as Jesus--easier said than done--but as long as you are aspiring to be like him, you're on the right track. God will always be there to help you through it, one step at a time.

16. Fall in love with God, and trust Him with all your heart, mind and soul! He loves you more than anyone on the planet is even slightly capable of doing! That's worth everything!