Understanding Your Wife

The Modern Man's Guide to Understanding His WifeWIFESPEAK ENGLISH EQUIVALENT
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* You want <==> You want
* We need <==> I want
* It's your decision <==> The right decision should be obvious by now
* Do what you want <==> You'll pay for this later
* We need to talk <==> I need to complain
* Sure,... go ahead <==> I don't want you to
* I'm hungry <==> (a) Make me something to eat
(b) Stop what you are doing, scrape together your last $$, and go
drive across town and get me something to eat. ... I don't care
if what you are doing is important.
* I'm not upset <==> Of course I'm upset, you moron
* You're,... so manly <==> You need a shave and you sweat a lot
* You're certainly <==> Is sex all you ever think about? attentive tonight
* I'm not emotional! <==> I'm having my period ...And I'm not overreacting!
* Be romantic, turn <==> I have flabby thighs out the lights.
* This kitchen is so <==> I want a new house inconvenient
* The car is empty <==> Go fill it up
* The trash is full <==> Take it out
* The dog is barking <==> Go outside in your underwear and see what is wrong
* I want new curtains <==> and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper
* I need wedding shoes <==> the other 40 pair are the wrong shade of white
* Hang the picture <==> NO! I mean hang it there! there
* I heard a noise <==> I noticed you were almost asleep
* Do you love me? <==> I'm going to ask for something expensive
* How much do you love <==> I did something today you're really not going to like
me?

In answer to "What's Wrong?"

* Nothing <==> Everything
* Everything <==> My PMS is acting up
* Nothing, really <==> It's just that you're such an asshole
* I don't want to talk <==> Go away, I'm still building up steam.